Jane and I had our usual Friday morning trip to the Regal coffee morning with our friends, when I suppose you could say it’s a wonder we didn’t get thrown out of the place as we kept laughing so much. Not sure some of the other members were amused as we are a noisy crowd when we get together, but surely that is the point, to go and enjoy yourself with good company.
Anyway, Jane was telling them about the day before in our house, where as usual we were also having a laugh, this time at Jane and Kevin and their antics. There she was, getting ready to do her colouring but first decided that the pencils in her box needed sharpening.
So there she was with her sharpener (one of those where you turn the handle which gets a brilliant point on your pencil) tuning away at one pencil after another, when Kevin in the most driest voice said ‘don’t you think you’d better change to your other hand with your sharpening and then it will give your bingo wings on that side the same exercise’.
Well, there we were in our living room having a good old laugh at the pair of them. Then Jane, who was pursing her lips at his cheek, nearly clonked him when he said ‘don’t do that I can see all the wrinkles on your top lip’!
By this time Derek and I were in bits at the look on Jane’s face at his bare faced cheek and I fully expected her saying ‘well at least I’m not bald on top’ to get her own back, but there he sat nonchalantly carrying on with what he was doing as though he’d never opened his mouth in the first place.
She was still sitting there stunned into silence which as any one that knows her will say it doesn’t happen very often, but of course he was winding her up in his best droll voice, but I’m not sure if she ever forgave him that one.
Back to the Regal, the friends we were sitting with know Kevin and what he’s like so when Jane started doing her flapping her arms about and pursing her top lip we were all having another good laugh at her expense as it’s even funnier when you know Kevin, and so the morning carried on in the same light hearted humorous way that it usually does.
On Saturday it was my turn as I was very busy as usual getting jobs finished before lunch. I was trying to do housework, brush the dogs and see to them, cook the dinner with one arm up my back as we women do, when I started having a mini rant about ‘stuff’ being left all over the place. Things that are waiting for the tidying-up-fairy, namely me, to come and put it all away, when I started muttering that nobody puts my stuff away, you know the usual nattering that we women do.
Then lo and behold, suddenly things started disappearing, do you have that problem in your house, we do, it’s that Mr Nobody that lives here and no doubt in other people’s houses that does all these things when nobody is looking, I just wish he’d pack his bags and leave as I’m mighty fed up of him living here, anybody want an unwanted visitor?
Has anybody got a bib?
Anyway, Saturday being a busy morning and also the weekend, we usually have something easy for lunch so we were having bacon, egg, tomato and all the usual so I got that put out on the plates (I ought to have a transport café as I do a mean breakfast meal. Well no I didn’t, just kidding, as I don’t like cooking anyway). We like to eat at our table in the living room upstairs and enjoy the view so off we trooped, and I sat down and started tucking into my lunch.
Suddenly, as I stuck my fork into the bacon which had a lovely bit of runny yolky egg and fresh tomatoes on it, with a great screech like nails scraping a blackboard, my food skidded and flew all over me and everywhere.
Luckily I had my pinnie on which took some of it (while a lot more went straight down my top behind the bib), and there I was with a whole cherry tomato stuck to my tshirt, while a good helping of yellow egg trickled its way down my apron bib while the rest went for a look out of the window as it sailed over my shoulder.
The look on my face must have been a picture as I was stunned into silence while trying to retrieve the cherry tomato from my chest and the egg that was running down me. Of course, some of the rest of the food had skidded all over the place so the dogs were running round picking up my pieces of bacon off the carpet.
Derek and Kevin wouldn’t stop making jokes about the new stained glass Velux we’d had put in (that’s my yellow yolk, pink bacon and red tomato) and then Kevin said ‘I wonder what the neighbours will think when they see us licking food off the glass’ all accompanied by howls of laughter at me covered in food and so it went on and on and on …….
Eventually when I’d scraped off the ‘residue’ life returned to normal as I finished what was left of my meal and very nice it was too. Having said that I couldn’t stop giggling as I chased the rest of my meal round the plate which seemed to have a life of its own.
Life then returned to normal in the mad house, especially when we tucked into a lovely ginger sponge pudding, yum yum!